The Montessori Message

The Montessori Message

Category Archives: Parenting

Making Connections

11 Thursday Jul 2019

Posted by Lisa Lalama in Parenting

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digital citizenship, Jordan Shapiro, online safety, Parenting, teachers, technology

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If you’ve ever gone to a conference on anything, you know it can be hit or miss. The speakers you think will really motivate and interest you can be duds, or you can come across one you had little interest in that sparks your imagination and offers pearls of wisdom. At the National Small Schools Conference, that was the case for me.

Jordan Shapiro, author of The New Childhood: Raising Kids to Thrive in a Connected World and professor at Temple University, spoke about a new way to view screen time. As he waxed on about his interest in ancient philosophers, it became quickly apparent that I would have to dig deep to connect to his message. And then there it was. He was speaking in a way that helped me understand how we teach kids the expectations around behavior – from learning to playing. His analogy was that he has to help his kids learn to cross the street. He wouldn’t trust them to do that alone until he did it with them hundreds of times and was certain they would remember to look both ways and could cross without getting hurt. Continue reading →

Do you believe in your child?

17 Friday May 2019

Posted by Lisa Lalama in Learning, Parenting

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Dr. Robert Brooks, independence, Parenting, resilience

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I was reading a blog post by Dr. Robert Brooks, a Harvard Medical School professor and speaker and writer about parenting and building resilience in children, and was reminded of a time when my daughter was driving to a new music teacher’s house and got turned around. She had a cell phone, but no GPS. She called in tears and asked if she could just come home. I said no because she had a commitment to the teacher. Well, she drove for over an hour (in circles) until she called me again, I pulled out a map and told her how to get there- giving her every turn- until she arrived safely at her destination. She was frazzled to be sure, but she did it. I could have rescued her – gone to where she was and led the way or told her to come home and we would take care of it. But, for a person who finds directions challenging, she had to prove to herself that she could manage. And she did. It’s now a funny family story, and she uses her phone’s navigation programs like a pro. She is no better at figuring out directions, but has the confidence to use the tools she needs to help her in places near and far.

One of the most important jobs we can do for our children is to believe in them. They need to know that we are there when needed and that we trust them to handle the decisions they are faced with each day. We need to demonstrate confidence in their ability even when we may not feel it. Rescuing them puts the responsibility for their decisions and actions squarely on our shoulders. It also sends the not so subtle message that we don’t think they can manage and need us to handle their difficulties. I am almost certain that most parents do not believe this and want their children to be independent, resilient and able to negotiate good times and bad. To do that, we have to step back, perhaps fret quietly, and exude confidence that we may not feel. That is what builds the skills needed for them to manage their future goals and to rebound from disappointment.

 

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How to Raise an Adult

22 Sunday Apr 2018

Posted by Lisa Lalama in Montessori Education, Parenting

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helicopter parenting, how to raise an adult, independence, practical life

practical life - web68538.pngWhen most of us embark on the journey of parenthood, we don’t typically consider the end game, adulthood. We imagine a precious baby, a wobbly toddler and perhaps even a cute elementary student learning to read and write. Rarely do parents envision the adult their child will become, yet everything parents do ultimately prepares children for life as adults.

This brief video shares information from Julie Lythcott-Haims’ work with undergraduate students at Stanford University and in her book How To Raise an Adult. You may be put off by the title of her video or the subtitle of her book, but don’t let it dissuade you from the importance of her message. It is one almost every parent will agree with; parents work to put themselves out of a job. We want to raise healthy educated productive adults.

She states her message quickly and succinctly. She breaks parenting into four steps:

  1. We do things for children.
  2. We do things with children.
  3. We watch them do it.
  4. They do it independently.

Lythcott-Haims’ analysis aligns with Maria Montessori’s philosophy of education. Teachers show them by presenting a lesson, observe them using the materials, and finally, they do the work independently. They are building the skills needed to recover from mistakes and have the confidence that they can pick themselves up, learn from the mistake and keep going.

Raising children is difficult work and one of the hardest things about it is watching our children make mistakes that might be avoided. We need to let them attempt to do things for themselves, letting them know we are there for them and have confidence in their ability to manage without our interference. Allowing independence in childhood creates adults who can make mistakes and be accountable for the outcomes of their actions. Dr. Montessori has shared this in her proven method of educating children and Lythcott-Haims restates it to help parents incorporate it in their everyday lives with their children. How have you promoted independence in your children?

Raising Happy Children

16 Friday Mar 2018

Posted by Lisa Lalama in Parenting

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bedtime, choices, independence, ned johnson, Parenting, william stixrud

clockRecently, I was having dinner with a friend and her children, and the topic of bedtimes came up.  I explained that my daughter and I would argue about bedtime when she was their age. She insisted that everyone in her school stayed up until after 10 p.m., and I unreasonably insisted she be in bed by 8:30. As many parents have experienced, she wore me down, so I said that I would no longer be in charge of her bedtime. She could stay up as late as she wanted as long as she could get herself up and ready for school and have the energy and positive attitude needed to not only make it through her school day but would also return home and be a pleasant member of our family. She stayed up until 11 p.m. the first night… and that was the end of the experiment. She discovered what I knew from years of watching her; she needed more sleep than many of her peers. She wasn’t rested unless she slept at least 9 or 10 hours each night. We no longer fought about bedtimes; she was in charge. I let her decide and honored her choice. We agreed on the limitations of the choices and I stepped out. As you can imagine, the boys with whom I shared this story were delighted to hear this (the parents not as much) and asked their parents to institute “Lisa bedtime” at their house.   Continue reading →

Frame of Reference

02 Thursday Nov 2017

Posted by Lisa Lalama in Learning, Parenting, Teachers

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frame of reference, learning, new math, ravens, school, school 2.0, steelers

steelers ravens

Anything you see or do is interpreted through your frame of reference. As a Pittsburgh Steelers fan, there are teams I don’t like at all and others I might have a more benevolent attitude toward that others may not like. After all, we all have preferences.

The way we look at most things has a great deal to do with our experiences. The same is true of school. We tend to approach the idea of school in the same ways we experienced school as children. If we struggled with some aspect, socially or academically, we are not entirely surprised when our children experience the same challenges. If we loved school and everything about it, we may be disheartened to learn our children are not having the same experience. It can be challenging to entertain ideas that differ from our own experiences. Continue reading →

Good News/Bad News

10 Thursday Aug 2017

Posted by Lisa Lalama in Montessori Education, Parenting, Teachers

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bad news, communication, conferences, feedback, good news, learning, parent partnership, progress report, report card, teachers

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People love to complain about the news media, saying most news is bad news. It certainly seems that is true. Each year schools deliver many messages to parents and students. They share facts, updates, and feedback about the students they serve. Report cards are issued and conferences are held. And what do most of us remember about these conversations? The “bad news.” Continue reading →

The Traditions that Unite Us

27 Thursday Apr 2017

Posted by Lisa Lalama in Learning, Parenting, Wilmington Montessori School

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culture, easter, family, learning, peace, tradition, Wilmington Montessori, Wilmington Montessori School

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Last week, I was reminded of my family’s many traditions as we gathered to dye Easter eggs, hunt for hidden ones, and wish each other a “Happy Easter” while breaking cascarones on each others’ heads. We enjoyed brunch with extended family and friends. Some of these traditions have religious significance, arising from traditions in European countries long ago. Others are relatively new to our family, having learned of them when we visited San Antonio several years ago. Regardless, it is what we have come to expect each year when Easter weekend rolls around.

Children love traditions. Once we do something one way, it becomes an anticipated event. At Wilmington Montessori School, we have a birthday assembly each year to celebrate the school’s founding. We share a moment of silence and sing a song of peace each year on the U.N. International Day of Peace. Children stop at the front desk on the morning of their birthday to receive a ribbon and have “Happy Birthday” sung to them. They look forward to the bubbles on the first day of school and the graduation ceremony on the last day. These all have become traditions at our school. They are anticipated and adored. We keep them alive because they are an integral part of the life of the school.

In your family, you can name traditions that have been handed down to you from past generations. You have most likely begun many of your own. They unite us. They help us to appreciate each other and learn about our similarities and differences. Think about the traditions known to you and your family and those you might want to explore as your children grow. Cultural influences and traditions are an abundant source of learning, sharing and creating acceptance in our world.

We can’t always get what we want.

17 Thursday Nov 2016

Posted by Lisa Lalama in making a difference, Montessori Education, Parenting

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election, grace and courtesy, losing, montessori, Montessori education, politics, winning

heather-siple-read-aloud-011What happens when you don’t get what we want? How do you react? Is it a feeling of hopelessness, or is it a challenge to shift your behavior or reach out to someone? This week has been a challenging time for many. Election day brought results that caused some to rejoice and others to cringe.

No matter your politics, one of the biggest lessons we all need to learn is how to be gracious. Whether we win or lose, our reaction is what sets us apart. Children have ample opportunities to learn this on the sports field, in the classroom and at home. Playing games typically results in someone winning. We’ve all had the experience of the winner gloating and the loser storming off. The challenge that we face when we enter a contest of any sort is to handle ourselves with grace and courtesy, a central aspect of Montessori education. Our days are filled with ways to practice kindness, courtesy and, yes, manners. We teach children to look each other in the eye, to shake hands and introduce themselves to guests, and to apologize when they have hurt another’s feelings.

It’s easy to be a kind winner or a sore loser. It’s a lot harder to be a winner who reaches out to the people on the other team and congratulates them for participating in the game, for giving it their all, and for being a worthy opponent. A good contest is satisfying and rewarding. Though the Cleveland Indians lost the World Series to the Chicago Cubs, both teams gave it their all; the games allowed sports fan to see some of the best baseball games played in a long time.

Winning feels great. Losing, not so much. How will we move forward after an election that was not the best example of grace and courtesy? How will we guide our students and children to help them learn how to behave when things don’t go their way? What example will we set?

The Power of Observation

22 Thursday Sep 2016

Posted by Lisa Lalama in Montessori Education, Parenting, Teachers, Wilmington Montessori School

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montessori, Montessori education, montessori teachers, observation, observing, parent involvement, parents, teachers

observing-blogObservation is a key component of Montessori education. As part of a Montessori teacher’s training, she is taught how to be a thoughtful observer. Teachers are given lessons on how to allow the space for observing students during the school day, and in those observations, much is revealed. Watching children go about their work, play, interactions and lessons helps a teacher more fully understand the students in her classroom. Through these regular periods of observation, teachers are able to determine which lessons need to be reinforced and the next steps in each child’s path of academic and social growth. Continue reading →

Peace Education

30 Thursday Jun 2016

Posted by Lisa Lalama in making a difference, Montessori Education, Parenting

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education, Fred Rogers, Maria Montessori, montessori, Montessori education, Mr Rogers, orlando shootings, peace, peace education, Wilmington Montessori, Wilmington Montessori School

Peace Day 2015 - 29“Education is the best weapon for peace.”
– 
Maria Montessori

 

As we continue to hear more about the shootings in Orlando and other acts of violence in our world, we question how this is possible and why it happened. We also struggle with how to talk to children about such atrocities. Many parents work hard to shield their children from these violent events. Sometimes, despite the best intentions, they learn about them anyway. This week I was reminded of the quote from Fred Rogers, of “Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood.”

When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” To this day, especially in times of “disaster,” I remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.

This shifts the focus from the aggressor or attacker to the fact that people are helpers. We want to help. We want to do something meaningful to contribute to those who are suffering.  We yearn for peace. A strong tenet of Montessori education is the peace curriculum. It must be taught each day if children are to grow into adults who promote peace and continue to care for our world and each other.

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