The Montessori Message

The Montessori Message

Tag Archives: independence

Children are more capable than you know.

03 Thursday Oct 2019

Posted by Lisa Lalama in Learning, learning environment, Montessori Education, Teachers

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Tags

expectations, independence, montessori, motivation, toddler

Heather Siple-Roaming 925-002
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Heather Siple-roaming 9-017046

If there is one thing that I have learned through my years in Montessori education, it is that children are capable of far more than we give them credit for. This goes for the toddler who is able to pour water from a toddler-sized pitcher and put on his or her own coat to a fourth-grader who shares insights one would not expect of a child that age. Children are limited only by our expectations.

The question becomes, how do we balance high expectations without stressing children? How do we make sure that our assurances of their capabilities don’t feel like too much pressure? This is not a new question, but one that appears to be asked more and more. As simple as it may sound, one of the best ways to accomplish this is to know the children. Some of us need to be pushed to accomplish our goals. Others are more self-driven, not needing anyone to remind us or encourage us to do more or work harder.

Think about the circumstances that urge you to do your best work. Is it with someone giving you encouragement, support and raising the bar higher and higher? Or, do you find that internally? Do external pushes and prompts feel like pressure to you? We are each different. The key is the relationship, the belief in each child’s abilities, and the bar being set at the proper height for children to thrive.

Do you believe in your child?

17 Friday May 2019

Posted by Lisa Lalama in Learning, Parenting

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Dr. Robert Brooks, independence, Parenting, resilience

Heather Siple-Roaming 425-010

I was reading a blog post by Dr. Robert Brooks, a Harvard Medical School professor and speaker and writer about parenting and building resilience in children, and was reminded of a time when my daughter was driving to a new music teacher’s house and got turned around. She had a cell phone, but no GPS. She called in tears and asked if she could just come home. I said no because she had a commitment to the teacher. Well, she drove for over an hour (in circles) until she called me again, I pulled out a map and told her how to get there- giving her every turn- until she arrived safely at her destination. She was frazzled to be sure, but she did it. I could have rescued her – gone to where she was and led the way or told her to come home and we would take care of it. But, for a person who finds directions challenging, she had to prove to herself that she could manage. And she did. It’s now a funny family story, and she uses her phone’s navigation programs like a pro. She is no better at figuring out directions, but has the confidence to use the tools she needs to help her in places near and far.

One of the most important jobs we can do for our children is to believe in them. They need to know that we are there when needed and that we trust them to handle the decisions they are faced with each day. We need to demonstrate confidence in their ability even when we may not feel it. Rescuing them puts the responsibility for their decisions and actions squarely on our shoulders. It also sends the not so subtle message that we don’t think they can manage and need us to handle their difficulties. I am almost certain that most parents do not believe this and want their children to be independent, resilient and able to negotiate good times and bad. To do that, we have to step back, perhaps fret quietly, and exude confidence that we may not feel. That is what builds the skills needed for them to manage their future goals and to rebound from disappointment.

 

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Do You Want to Learn?

14 Thursday Feb 2019

Posted by Lisa Lalama in 21st century learning, Learning, learning environment, Montessori Education, Schools of the Future

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creativity, engaged learners, engagement, freedom, independence, learning environment, maira kalman, montessori, school, standardization, Wynton Marsalis

If you want to learn something, I can’t stop you. If you don’t want to learn it, I cannot teach you.

– Wynton Marsalis

Heather Siple-First Day-Rm19-1As I listened to this podcast about creativity, I not only learned a great deal about the lives of a variety of people we would all consider to be creative in very different ways, I was inspired to apply these ideas and experiences to education and children’s school experiences.

At the same time, in talking to a teacher who was attending classes to become a certified Montessori teacher, she shared the idea presented that small class sizes can be detrimental to the idea of children gaining independence. The thinking is that in order to become independent, make the best decisions and learn from mistakes, it is important to have freedom. Children need freedom from adults watching every move they make. They need space for experimentation, for creativity to allow growth in ways they can’t experience if all they know is the “right” way to do things and the rewards are established by someone else, either a person or institution. We need to establish environments that allow students to set their own goals and assess their progress using criteria that continue to evolve through various iterations of a project or assignment. If we don’t allow for this process, students will struggle to become independent and make decisions throughout life. Continue reading →

Preferences

13 Thursday Dec 2018

Posted by Lisa Lalama in Learning, learning environment, Montessori Education, Teachers

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access, environment, faculty meeting, independence, montessori classrooms, preferences, prepared environment, space, staff

 

At a recent staff meeting, we conducted a survey of sorts. People were asked to line up along a wall according to their preferences about a variety of things: introvert/extrovert, lots of light/minimal lighting, quiet/background noise, math/language, spare/busy environments, etc. The goal wasn’t to solve a problem or change anyone’s mind about their preferences. It was simply to bring the preferences to light.

In our homes, offices and classrooms, our surroundings tend to reflect what makes us most comfortable or productive. For example, I prefer a very well-lit space at work because it keeps me alert and engaged. However, at home I don’t turn a lot of lights on, using only those for the task I am doing. As teachers we need to have an environment that is comfortable for us, but first and foremost, the environment needs to be conducive to learning for the students we are serving.

The environment serves as a teacher in a Montessori classroom. Through a well-prepared environment, students are able to have great success. They can easily move throughout the space independently, needing a teacher as a guide not a facilitator. They don’t need to ask where to locate materials or how to use them. Once a lesson is given, the children move independently throughout the space, gathering the materials needed to perform a task. The classrooms allow students to experience the same independence adults have; the materials are accessible to all.

In order to allow each child to succeed, teachers need to create an environment that is suitable for their needs. How many teachers have asked their students what they prefer or have experimented to see what leads to greater productivity and learning? Have we observed how children interact with the environment and remedied any glitches that are noticed? Classroom environments must allow for independence and access. They serve their occupants – students and teachers alike. Everyone needs to be comfortable and capable of navigating the space. How do your surroundings reflect your preferences? How do they meet the needs of the students who spend much of their days in them?

 

 

How to Raise an Adult

22 Sunday Apr 2018

Posted by Lisa Lalama in Montessori Education, Parenting

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helicopter parenting, how to raise an adult, independence, practical life

practical life - web68538.pngWhen most of us embark on the journey of parenthood, we don’t typically consider the end game, adulthood. We imagine a precious baby, a wobbly toddler and perhaps even a cute elementary student learning to read and write. Rarely do parents envision the adult their child will become, yet everything parents do ultimately prepares children for life as adults.

This brief video shares information from Julie Lythcott-Haims’ work with undergraduate students at Stanford University and in her book How To Raise an Adult. You may be put off by the title of her video or the subtitle of her book, but don’t let it dissuade you from the importance of her message. It is one almost every parent will agree with; parents work to put themselves out of a job. We want to raise healthy educated productive adults.

She states her message quickly and succinctly. She breaks parenting into four steps:

  1. We do things for children.
  2. We do things with children.
  3. We watch them do it.
  4. They do it independently.

Lythcott-Haims’ analysis aligns with Maria Montessori’s philosophy of education. Teachers show them by presenting a lesson, observe them using the materials, and finally, they do the work independently. They are building the skills needed to recover from mistakes and have the confidence that they can pick themselves up, learn from the mistake and keep going.

Raising children is difficult work and one of the hardest things about it is watching our children make mistakes that might be avoided. We need to let them attempt to do things for themselves, letting them know we are there for them and have confidence in their ability to manage without our interference. Allowing independence in childhood creates adults who can make mistakes and be accountable for the outcomes of their actions. Dr. Montessori has shared this in her proven method of educating children and Lythcott-Haims restates it to help parents incorporate it in their everyday lives with their children. How have you promoted independence in your children?

Raising Happy Children

16 Friday Mar 2018

Posted by Lisa Lalama in Parenting

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bedtime, choices, independence, ned johnson, Parenting, william stixrud

clockRecently, I was having dinner with a friend and her children, and the topic of bedtimes came up.  I explained that my daughter and I would argue about bedtime when she was their age. She insisted that everyone in her school stayed up until after 10 p.m., and I unreasonably insisted she be in bed by 8:30. As many parents have experienced, she wore me down, so I said that I would no longer be in charge of her bedtime. She could stay up as late as she wanted as long as she could get herself up and ready for school and have the energy and positive attitude needed to not only make it through her school day but would also return home and be a pleasant member of our family. She stayed up until 11 p.m. the first night… and that was the end of the experiment. She discovered what I knew from years of watching her; she needed more sleep than many of her peers. She wasn’t rested unless she slept at least 9 or 10 hours each night. We no longer fought about bedtimes; she was in charge. I let her decide and honored her choice. We agreed on the limitations of the choices and I stepped out. As you can imagine, the boys with whom I shared this story were delighted to hear this (the parents not as much) and asked their parents to institute “Lisa bedtime” at their house.   Continue reading →

Independence

30 Thursday Mar 2017

Posted by Lisa Lalama in Learning, making a difference, Montessori Education, Wilmington Montessori School

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independence, independent schools, learning, schools, Wilmington Montessori, Wilmington Montessori School

 

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If you are reading this blog, my guess is that you have gone to school. No matter where that school was located, or who your favorite and least favorite teachers were, my guess is also that the school you attended looked very much like the schools most children attend in 2017. Your classroom was most likely filled with desks, chalkboards or dry erase boards, books, pencils, notebooks and perhaps some art materials. There was probably one teacher who talked more than he or she listened, and even your enrichment classes were probably similar to the ones most schools offer today: physical education, music, art and foreign language. Why, you might ask, is this so? Do the cars we drove 20 or 30 years ago look and act in the same ways? Do our banks, stores and other businesses function as they did when you were a child? Chances are the answer is no.

Why is it so hard to create change in schools? Reading blog after blog and book after book, attending conferences, and learning from other educators leads me to understand it is the way of education. Change happens slowly – and it happens even more slowly in schools. You might be fortunate enough to have experienced a teacher or classroom that is at the cutting edge of what it means to create a vital teaching and learning environment. Typically, it takes decades for those changes to become what one might consider “best practice” in education and part of every child’s school experience. .

The advantage of an independent school (like Wilmington Montessori School) is that the changes we know need to happen in education are happening in classrooms on a daily basis. Independent schools are able to make changes more quickly. We are able to be more experimental, trying things, seeing if they work and incorporating change from one classroom to the next in a more responsive way than can occur in the public school system. Independent schools have thrived and continue to contribute to the education of children by doing just that.

We know the children in our schools. We understand them and work each day to build the experience those children will benefit from the most. The result is students and graduates who are themselves more independent. These young people are not only capable of upholding and exceeding the standards that are critical to ensure an educated populace; they are also able to think independently, synthesize information and effect change in our world.

Nurturing Independence

20 Thursday Oct 2016

Posted by Lisa Lalama in Learning, Montessori Education, Teachers, Wilmington Montessori School

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Tags

child development, development, independence, Maria Montessori, quote, self-sufficient, soft skills

montessori quote dec. 2011.jpg
Last week, a parent shared the changes that he has seen in his young child’s behavior since beginning school in September. In particular, he has noticed her movement toward independence. One of Maria Montessori’s most quoted phrases is,”Never help a child with a task at which he feels he can succeed.” Continue reading →

Help

14 Thursday Apr 2016

Posted by Lisa Lalama in Wilmington Montessori School

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environment, help, independence, staff, unexpected, Wilmington Montessori, Wilmington Montessori School

 

DSC_1946comb_cropThis week I was reminded over and over again how much we rely on others. Most of us consider ourselves to be independent people who can take care of ourselves. As our youngest children are overheard saying, “I can do it myself.” Adults work toward that goal as well. Sometimes though, we need some help.

Over the past week, WMS had lots of “unexpected”things occur. The state’s licensing people showed up unannounced to do their yearly inspection – which, in itself isn’t surprising, but the fact that it happened at the same time we had an open house tour, a photographer capturing pictures of students and a child having a bit of a meltdown in the hall was unexpected. Help arrived for each of these situations, and no one had to be asked to help – they just did. The next day I overheard two staff members trying to figure out something on the computer. One helped the other and patiently led her through the steps needed to complete a task and when they moved on to another task the roles reversed. A parent told me of a child helping another child, easing his worries and patiently helping him through a tough situation, lending her empathy and understanding in a time of need. A teacher is working to figure out how to assist a child who needs a bit more understanding and support. Help is on the way.

All of these things are “unexpected” yet part of our daily routine at WMS. We may each begin our day with a plan, only to have it quickly shifted because someone or some situation needed our help. The beauty of this is that we give this help without explanation or justification. We are working together to provide the best learning environment for children. In order to do that, we are compelled to care for one another in the process. Creating a safe and caring environment for children and adults allows us to be willing to take the risks associated with learning new things and daring to make mistakes.

At WMS we know that just as the unexpected is part of the daily routine so is the safety net that allows us to ask for the help we need to learn and to grow.

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